Correlations
1. There is a direct negative correlation between the number of zombie movies you own, and how tan you are. (I own seven, and I’m as white as a ghost)
2. There is a direct negative correlation between how many names of characters from the game Halo you know, and the amount of girls you have kissed.
3. The more time you spend out in the wilderness shooting rifles at empty beer cans, the more likely you are to have a mullet.
4. There is a direct correlation between the amount of protein shakes found in the apartment and the amount of time its tenants spend in the hot tub.
5. If you are not legitimately from Southern California, there is a negative correlation between how much you like the Los Angeles Lakers and how much other people like you.
6. I used to believe that there was a positive correlation between the number of showers in a week you take, and how much attention you get from the lady folk, but recent events have clearly refuted the rationality of this argument.
7. More and more often we see that owning a guitar has little correlation to whether or not you actually know how to play it.
8. There is a negative correlation between how much you like to listen to Panic! At the Disco and how much I want to ever hear anything you have to say.
9. If you are a man, there is a positive correlation between how often you wear scarves and how much I want to punch you in the throat.
10. The likelihood that you will someday commit suicide increases by 1.4% every time you eat at Del Taco.
11. There is a positive correlation between how tired I am and how attractive I find Venus and Serena Williams….. but not much…
12. There is a negative correlation between how much you like the New York Yankees and how likely I am to want to be your friend. (Quinn Garber, you are the exception)
13. The longer you wait to tell your kids that Santa Claus is isn’t real, the more likely they are to one day commit patricide.
14. There is a positive correlation between how much you know about how groundwater affects the local eco system, and how much you need to just go outside and play basketball or something.
15. And finally there is a positive correlation between how much you enjoyed this blog and how much you should follow it!
