NOW IN 3D!!!!!

It seems safe to say that the newest fad in technology is making otherwise flat objects three dimensional. A classic example of this is the movie Avatar. Sure it sucks, but man it really sucks right there in your face!!!! The idea, I think, behind really pushing that movie in 3D was that if you are constantly brushing little floating jellyfish out of your face, then you won’t realize that you are in no way being entertained.

Since then, a plethora of movies have been offered in 3D, including Disney’s family film Tangled. I saw this one in the regular flat style, and I have to admit, I can’t see why they felt it needed the boost of an extra dimension. It was a great movie. Not having experienced it in 3D, I can only speculate as to what it is that comes floating out of the screen at you. (I assume it’s her hair, though admittedly I hope the little chameleon makes a three dimensional appearance or two).

ESPN even has a 3D channel now. I’ve never watched it, but I can think of two reasons why I wouldn’t want to. The first one is that I have a talent (truthfully I think it may be a super power) for losing important things. I don’t want to have to miss half a basketball game just because I can’t find the stupid glasses. I already spend most of the first quarter searching for the remote as it is. The second reason is that I can imagine nothing scarier than Ron Artest flying headlong out of my T.V screen. I’d rather watch The Ring, and have that pale little drowned girl crawl jerkily towards me across the carpet.

According to Lieutenant Hikaru Sulu from the original Star Trek movies (as reliable a source as ever there was), they’re coming out with a TV that doesn’t require viewers to wear glasses. Well that solves the problem of my not being able to find them during game time. However the second problem only becomes more severe, as it takes from me the ability to simply remove said eyewear in the event of a near collision with Ron.

Anyways, it has become clear that 3D is now equal to cool. The full extent of this new fad of technology became clear to me this evening while I was getting ready for bed. I was ready to brush my teeth when I noticed a tube of toothpaste sitting next to the sink. It undoubtedly belongs to one of my roommates. In sleek sexy letters on the blue packaging was written: 3D Whitening.

Wow. Imagine that. Needless to say (and I apologize to whichever of my roommates it belonged to. I guess I’ll see which ones of you actually read my blog), I used the toothpaste. I spat and rinsed, then flashed my widest smile into the mirror. It may have been my imagination but it seemed to me, for just the briefest of moments, that a sparkling set of immaculate dentures hovered in the air just outside my parted lips.

Technology sure is moving quickly. In a few years we won’t even have to touch mouths to kiss. Sounds pretty lame, but I’m sure the spread of diseases will be cut in half. So enjoy all this new sci-fi technology, it sure is great, but be careful when greeting people, because the next time someone smiles at you, you could wind up with a facefull of their teeth.